Succession is ending tomorrow. I have loved Succession. I also love footy. I wondered about combining them.
Is this going to work? Not sure.
To give it the best chance of working, I thought I would compare every AFL head coach to a Succession character. Footy and Succession don’t really have anything in common except that men mostly seem to like them both.
Anyway, the game is we’ll compare each coach to a Succession character of varying levels of notoriety and I have one sentence to land the plane (unless I need a second one).
Also I know Alistair Clarkson is not currently the coach at North Melbourne, but I felt like I had a good one for him so I've kept him in it.
Again, I don’t know if this will work. Let’s find out:
Matthew Nicks – Hugo
Showed up in a crisis but has some staying power, buoyed by the fact that he’s willing to woof where necessary.
Chris Fagan – Tom Wambsgans
Everybody hates Nazis, but this borderline one seems nice otherwise.
Michael Voss – Bill from Cruises
A dead man walking.
Craig McRae – Mark Ravenhead
I bet Craig McRae has never read Mein Kampf, but there is a cult building around this man.
Brad Scott – Frank from the C-Suite
Consistently looks bemused and concerned but always willing to speculate in a comic mode as to the best way out of a difficult situation when dealt poor cards.
Justin Longmuir – Kerry
That was fucking crazy right? That was his question after the first 7 weeks of the season, but Chuckles the Clown might turn it around soon enough.
Chris Scott – Willa Ferreya
Achieved status based on who they were attached to initially but look at them both now.
Adam Kingsley – Colin
Don’t know much about them other than they look scary and would very seldom wear jeans.
Stuart Dew – If Connor Roy spent more time in bars with workers who have blood in their hair
Love it when he comes on screen, especially knowing it’s for a good time not a long time.
Sam Mitchell – If Greg was short
Has shown flashes of nous but his best skill seems to be knowing who to know, and who to mock while they are crying on the staircase.
Simon Goodwin – Shiv Roy
Disingenuous and disappointing most of the time, but not always!
Alistair Clarkson – Roman Roy
Probably a horrible person all things considered, but in this specific moment you do feel a bit bad for them? Maybe a bit? Maybe not at all?
Ken Hinkley – Gerri Kellman
A terrific operator who knows when to drop slime puppies but is gone regardless because of poor decision making by superiors.
Andrew McQualter – Lukas Mattson
Showed up and then all of a sudden is a main character. Remains to be seen if the fact that there is only one India will be a problem.
Ross Lyon – Logan Roy if he had a cuddly phase and never won.
Talented and hyper competitive, but regressive in style and brings out the worst in footy and politics at their nadir.
John Longmire – Badly dressed Stewie Hosseini
Very seldom beaten in any situation even if truly defining victories have been relatively few. Barely sighted this season though.
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